I did it! I made it through my first sober weekend! AND I’ve officially marked my longest sober stretch ever attempted thus far! If you read my last post the longest I’ve ever made it out of my many MANY attempts to stop drinking was one week. HELLO DAY 8 SOBER nice to meet you!
I’m not going to lie, it was a challenge. I got a few invites to go out friday night…
** side note I keep having these little panic fears about the future thinking about what life is going to be like never drinking again. What about going out this weekend? what about work events? weddings? holidays? my own wedding? I’m not even engaged, calm down girl! I have to keep reminding myself that I’m taking it day by day and that I’ll figure it out when I get there.I was reading this blog post where another blogger talked about this challenge and combating it with thinking about what would normally happen if you were drinking. I’ve been able to relax during these panics by thinking about what I would normally do in that situation and honestly I should be more worried about what will realistically happen if I DO drink. Ugh, how am I going to enjoy my friend’s wedding in San francisco next month sober? Well it may be a little awkward but way better than spending the whole week and wedding wasted. I can just see it, I’d be that drunk friend at the wedding, thinking I was the life of the party. In reality I’d be the girl who obviously drank too much, shoes off with a mix of splashed drinks down the front of her dress. I’d definitely black out by the end of the night, it always happens at any open bar event, ending up in my room or someone else’s. I’d be so hung over the next day I probably wouldn’t leave my hotel room unless drinks were involved which would lead to a really expensive day of day drinking. That is if I managed to not lose my ID or wallet or phone. You know what? I am REALLY looking forward to the week in san francisco and the wedding sober. Im excited to get a cute dress i’m not going to get any alcohol on!
Back to this past weekend and friday…
I wanted to go out, I wanted to see my friends. Knowing I had to work at 8am on saturday I also wanted to stay in on friday. I knew If I went out there was a 90% chance I’d have a drink or 8. I’ve developed a crazy sweet tooth that’s been screaming since I stopped drinking, especially at night. I think it’s my body missing the sugar from alcohol. Do you know whats great about NYC? You can have anything delivered to you at any hour. Even wine. Even if I avoid all eye contact with liquor stores and bars while walking home I’m still always one click away from having wine delivered right to my door. I couldn’t have wine so I was craving the company of sugar to join me on the couch friday night. I opted for fresh fruit. I spent friday night at home on the couch watching a marathon of HGTV fixer upper and eating $18 worth of pre-cut fruit like this sloth.
Man was work so much more enjoyable the next day not hung over. I can’t tell you how many saturday’s I’ve woken up half alive trying not to throw up in a taxi on the way to a job. My coffee tasted like the best latte i’ve had in years, I was happy and cheerful and totally enjoyed being at work. I didn’t think about alcohol all day until our shoot was over and I heard the producer uncork a bottle of rosé to celebrate to a great shoot. I literally dodged to the bathroom and hid from the bottle of wine. I needed to think of an excuse to say no. I’m not drinking today? I’m not drinking this weekend? I can’t I’m allergic? Oh I can’t, I can’t drink anymore because I’m an alcoholic and drinking is ruining my life? why am worried if I say no that everyone is going to question why. I walked back into the studio, the client asked me if I had gotten a glass and I just responded “oh thank you but i’m good!” no questions asked. I quickly packed up my things and got out of there before I could change my mind.
A friend came over after work, I wanted to go out and be social but couldn’t drink. Is that something other people actually do? I was afraid to tell my friend that out of fear she wouldn’t want to hang out if I wasnt drinking. Again I have to remind myself not everyone thinks like an alcoholic. In the past if someone had asked me to do something and said they didn’t want to drink that night I wouldn’t want to hang out. In the past if someone wasn’t drinking it bothered me because I knew I could never do that. Maybe that’s why I have this fear of telling people I’m not drinking in social situations because I think its going to make them uncomfortable and make me seem like a buzz kill. We went out, as soon as I had my first club soda in my hand I felt so relieved having made it through the hardest challenge of the night. I didn’t have a big “SOBER” arrow above my head, I blended in with everyone else thanks to the lime in my club soda. I had a lot of fun and I actually had more guys than usual come up and talk to me but I definitely noticed how quiet I was when I didn’t have my liquid confidence. As a watched a few cute girls turn into loud hotmesses I felt like I was watching myself. No wonder I don’t really meet cute guys out at bars, I’m usually such mess and can only really see within the 1 foot radius around me. It felt like a new and fun experience being out sober, knowing I’d remember everything that happened. I laughed really hard with my friends and remembered how I got home knowing I locked my door behind me when I got back to my apartment. I was beyond hydrated having downed 6 club sodas and it felt really good to actually wash all my makeup off and crawl into bed with pajamas on stead of passing out wherever I landed when I walked in the door. I slept in this morning and woke up in a great mood. I headed to the coffee shop downstairs and enjoyed scrolling through some sobriety blogs with my iced coffee. I’m feeling really optimistic about the future of this sobriety journey. If anyone out there is reading this and wants to share some of their favorite blogs/books/podcasts I’d love any recommendations. Hope you all are enjoying your sunday too!