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The Unbuzzed Life

a sober transition in new york city

Weekend in Brooklyn

woah it’s already been 15 days?

A few days ago I was beginning to feel like I fixed my problem. I was starting to not really even crave alcohol that much. When I say that much it means that alcohol hadn’t popped into my head as much as it had been before. I wasnt missing it, I didn’t want to have it. It’s true that quitting drinking does feel like a break up. You relearn how to do things without the company of alcohol. It’s no longer there for you to spend your nights and weekends with but it didn’t make me sad its been way more like one of those break ups you knew was coming. You wanted to do it for a while, you knew it was toxic but you couldn’t imagine life with out it. During the first few days that’s all I could think about because everything I saw made me think about it. I’m surprised I didn’t make a Spotify playlist to get me through this break up.. it’s never too late 🙂 Just a few days ago I thought I was good to go! I didn’t even crave a drink anymore, in less than two weeks I mastered doing things sober. Then this weekend came and I realized how close I was to picking up a drink again.

I’m beginning to figure out what my triggers are, things I need to be really aware of if I want to stay sober. One is definitely the desire for a drink after a long day at work. Any suggestions? I need to get back to the gym, I know it always makes me feel better after I go because it’s a good outlet for stress but at the same time I’m usually so exhausted by the time I take the subway home and carry all my work things up three flights of stairs. Another trigger is the fear of making others uncomfortable by not drinking. I think this is because it used to make me feel uncomfortable. If I was going to dinner with a friend or pretty much doing any social activity and whoever I was with didn’t want to drink I was annoyed that I was drinking alone or felt like I shouldn’t get a drink. Again not everyone else thinks like an alcoholic.

A friend asked me to get a drink and to meet her new boyfriend after I got home from work on friday. Sitting at home I wanted to say no at first because I honestly didn’t want to be out at a bar. I did want to stay home, I didn’t have to explain to any of my recorded shows that I wasnt drinking. They offered to come to meet me at the bar downstairs in my building. The same bar I sat 16 days ago hiccuping sipping my last drink alone. They were already on their way before I could say no. As I locked my apt door behind me and headed down the stairs I thought about all the different ways I could get around having a drink with them but honestly I was also thinking about what my first drink after my two week break would me. God did I want a drink. A cold beer sounded so good, or a really nice cocktail with fresh ingredients. Her boyfriend immediately offered to get us drinks. I began to mumble out of mix of excuses “Oh actually I think i’ll just have a water, I’m so thirsty, I had a long day so a club soda actually sounds really good, I’m not sure if I want a drink yet” and they both just kinda looked at me. “Wait hold up you’re NOT having a DRINK? Laaaaame.” it almost seemed like her boyfriend yelled it through the whole bar. This was within the first few sentences of meeting him. I guess we both didn’t make a great first impression on each other. You think I’m lame for not drinking? I’m actually a lot of fun, sorry you can’t see past that. Thanks for reassuring me that people will think I’m lame if I turn down a drink. As we chatted over the next hour or I found out he owns a liquor store, his second drink was a vodka red bull (“well someone has to drive us home”). I also watched him snatched his drink back from the server when he tried to clear the glass that was pretty much empty so yes he probably didn’t understand my desire to not drink. I was proud of myself for getting the hell out of there and up to my bed. I can’t believe I almost gave in, and barely leaving my living room, i’m not safe anywhere haha.

I need to remember in these situations that I always never regret not drinking when I wake up the next morning. I’m always grateful waking up sober, remembering everything I did and said the night before. I had a shoot in Brooklyn on saturday morning with a model i’ve been following for a while. These are my new york moments that make me feel so grateful to not only have a job I love but one that connects me with creative, motivating and inspiring people. I never feel the desire for alcohol while at work. I focus on work while i’m there, that fulfills me and I’m not sitting around thinking about things the way I do when i’m off work. I went to the brooklyn smorgasbord after the shoot with a friend and was enjoying that I wasnt doing my usual daytime weekend activity of sitting in a bar drinking on a beautiful day. Its only been two weeks but i’ve gone out and done so much since I’m not home hiding in my apt recovering from a hangover. I was there with my good friend who has now mentioned a couple of times she’s really appreciating how much less she’s drinking lately too. I’m happy she still feels comfortable drinking and wants to hang even if I’m not.  One of our drinking buddies was trying to convince us to leave Brooklyn and come back to the city to join her and friend she had in town with a “Were with two guys who work in liquor events, they aren’t cute but we are getting free drinks” text. All I read was “we are hanging with two guys we would normally never talk to if we were sober but they are somehow connected to liquor which means we will use them for as many free drinks as possible and then bounce”. gross.

We ended up stopping by, I keep wanting to prove to myself that the friends I have aren’t just drinking buddies and that I CAN hang out without drinking. I’m still the old me except I don’t turn into an emotional tornado at the end of the night. Sure enough both guys were kinda creepy and sizing us up the second we got in, I’m sure they were using the girls as much as the girls were using them. It felt depressing being in a dark sports bar on a beautiful saturday. Everyone but Nicole gave me shit for not drinking when I ordered a club soda at 4pm. I could care less what these guys thought but quietly explained to Danielle that I hadn’t had a drink in two weeks. She just stared at me in shock. I immediately saw her disappointment that I wasn’t joining in on her binge weekend. I don’t blame her, I was that go to friend for day drinking. Anytime any place I was usually down. I’m sure that’s why she texted me in the first place. As they made plans to head to a rooftop bar Nicole and I promised we’d meet up later for a night out to show Danielle’s friend a fun night out in nyc. Nicole and I made dinner at my place, she picked up a few more beers as she had a few free ones at the bar and I had a pomplemouse Pellegrino cocktail. I actually makes me feel more comfortable if my friends do have a drink. In the past this is one of the reasons i’ve relapsed. Ive been in a situation where someone felt they couldn’t drink if I wasnt drinking therefore i’d “just have one” so I wouldn’t be a buzz kill. 9 pm rolled around and what happened to our night out was what I expected, after day drinking all the girls were ready to pass out. I felt relieved I didn’t drink. One of the worst mental hangovers is waking up in the middle of the night realizing you wasted a whole day drinking. Waking up dehydrated and confused as to how you started off with drink or two at brunch and then just kept going until you woke up fully clothed wondering what happened to your saturday night plans.

Nicole and John asked if I wanted to join in on brunch this morning but after the attempt to go to bars without drinking like I had all weekend I said no thanks. I headed back to brooklyn this morning to pick up my kit and stopped by brooklyn flea.  I saw a few girls shopping around with their headphones in too. I wanted to walk up to and say “so you don’t spend your free time on weekends day drinking, you like exploring flea markets too? want to hang out sometime because all my friends are having boozy brunches right now and I’m starting to feel all my friends want to do is drink”. I treated myself to a beautiful necklace and ring. I’m so happy I didn’t give in to feeling awkward not drinking this weekend even though I felt like it was really hard. Its starting to feel like i’m back at day 3 right now and need to stay away from any bar at the moment.

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Its been 12 days

The first 5 days crawled by, it felt like hadn’t had a drink in weeks. Now the constant thoughts about alcohol are starting to fade a bit and I feel GOOD. I think it’s a combination of just being in a good mood and physically feeling better. Day-to-day life is just feeling different in a good way. Here are some things I noticed

Mentally

I’m not as foggy, I guess you don’t realize that you’ve been permanently hung over on a daily basis until you stop drinking. I’m in a much better mood, little things that used to irritate me like the line at the coffee bar or a bad cab driver don’t really bother me. I’m feeling like quite the morning person lately. Alcohol is a depressant. If you’re already depressed and you want to drink thinking it may numb you or cure a bad mood alcohol just makes you feel worse. I used to get the worst mental hangovers when Id drink. The guilt of “what text did I send last night that I shouldn’t have” no longer exist. I also don’t have the guilt or stress that I didn’t run an errand or take care of something the night before because I decided to down a bottle of wine on the couch instead. I feel less stressed because I’m doing the day-to-day tasks I liked to ignore before.

Physically

Oh I’ve been sleeping so well. I used to use the excuse that I needed a couple of drinks to relax so I could go to sleep. Even drinking a few beers or a couple of glasses of wine (if I didn’t actually finish a bottle of wine I knew I was exhausted) never really allowed me to get good sleep but I’d use the excuse anyways. I’d wake up dehydrated or just randomly through the night. I haven’t been to the gym yet just a bit of yoga but I can already see and feel the difference in my tummy and face. I’ve got a bit more energy but that could have something to do with getting better sleep.

I’ve been doing so much more after work. It felt like I was exhausted everyday but I realize now I was hung over. It depends on how much you drink and how dehydrated you are but hangovers can last up to 72 hours. My usually routine was to  drink too much, suffer a bad physical and mental hangover and tell myself I wasnt drinking for a couple of days but I’d be right back drinking one day later. Of course I was hung over all the time, I usually couldn’t make it more than a day with out a few drinks.

I took off work today to get some things done, finally surrendered my home state drivers license for a NY license. 3 &1/2 years of living here it finally feels official today. I spent some time planning a trip I’m taking at the end of the year. Of course I began to wonder what it’s going be like not drinking while I’m traveling with 2 friends. The fact that I was really planning and considering the idea of staying sober that long made me happy. I’m going to focus on the positives of not drinking while on this trip. I’ll be making the most of each day, I’m not going to have any hangovers wasting any of the days I’m there. Again going back to the what if I was drinking comparison… I’d be scared for myself.

A friend and I were laughing about that the other night when we were waiting in line outside for a comedy show. The only bug you’ll hear in NYC is a cicada. There was one in particular that was punking everyone in line. Perhaps he knew we wouldn’t run away from him since we were waiting so long for these first come first serve seats. It could have been an onion title “LOCAL CICADA TERRORIZES NEW YORKERS OUTSIDE COMEDY CLUB”. There were a few girls including my friend who jumped out of line and off the curb trying to avoid the large bug from landing on them. So over and over again i’ll drink enough to black out and not know where i woke up, or drink and drive, that wouldn’t scare me but I’m terrified of a bug? Funny how irrational our fears are. Aziz Ansari ended up being a surprise guest for the show, totally worth getting terrorized by a bug. Also that comedy show was funnier than any show I’ve been to. Perhaps it was because I was sober? That I was wasn’t distracted and annoyed the waitress hadn’t come back to get another round? I wasnt watching to make sure I wasnt drinking my drink faster than everyone else. I fully enjoyed the show with an ice tea.

I usually managed to get home safely after a heavy night of drinking in NYC but what about a foreign country? I’m not worried about missing out on any fun not drinking during the day while we travel through Spain, Portugal and morocco. But what about at night if we go out? Its better to be sober than run the risk of losing anything or being a girl who’s had too much to drink in a foreign place. Again I have to remember to take it day by day.

I’m grateful for another sober day. I did one of my favorite things I don’t do enough today. I walked all around the city with my headphones in. I love making my own soundtrack to people watching in nyc. Heres my favorite song at the moment.

I made it!

I did it! I made it through my first sober weekend! AND I’ve officially marked my longest sober stretch ever attempted thus far! If you read my last post the longest I’ve ever made it out of my many MANY attempts to stop drinking was one week. HELLO DAY 8 SOBER nice to meet you!

I’m not going to lie, it was a challenge. I got a few invites to go out friday night…

** side note I keep having these little panic fears about the future thinking about what life is going to be like never drinking again. What about going out this weekend? what about work events? weddings? holidays? my own wedding? I’m not even engaged, calm down girl! I have to keep reminding myself that I’m taking it day by day and that I’ll figure it out when I get there.I was reading this blog post where another blogger talked about this challenge and combating it with thinking about what would normally happen if you were drinking. I’ve been able to relax during these panics by thinking about what I would normally do in that situation and honestly I should be more worried about what will realistically happen if I DO drink. Ugh, how am I going to enjoy my friend’s wedding in San francisco next month sober? Well it may be a little awkward but way better than spending the whole week and wedding wasted. I can just see it, I’d be that drunk friend at the wedding, thinking I was the life of the party. In reality I’d be the girl who obviously drank too much, shoes off with a mix of splashed drinks down the front of her dress. I’d definitely black out by the end of the night, it always happens at any open bar event, ending up in my room or someone else’s. I’d be so hung over the next day I probably wouldn’t leave my hotel room unless drinks were involved which would lead to a really expensive day of day drinking. That is if I managed to not lose my ID or wallet or phone. You know what? I am REALLY looking forward to the week in san francisco and the wedding sober. Im excited to get a cute dress i’m not going to get any alcohol on!

Back to this past weekend and friday…

I wanted to go out, I wanted to see my friends. Knowing I had to work at 8am on saturday I also wanted to stay in on friday. I knew If I went out there was a 90% chance I’d have a drink or 8. I’ve developed a crazy sweet tooth that’s been screaming since I stopped drinking, especially at night. I think it’s my body missing the sugar from alcohol. Do you know whats great about NYC? You can have anything delivered to you at any hour. Even wine. Even if I avoid all eye contact with liquor stores and bars while walking home I’m still always one click away from having wine delivered right to my door. I couldn’t have wine so I was craving the company of sugar to join me on the couch friday night. I opted for fresh fruit. I spent friday night at home on the couch watching a marathon of HGTV fixer upper and eating $18 worth of pre-cut fruit like this sloth.

Man was work so much more enjoyable the next day not hung over. I can’t tell you how many saturday’s I’ve woken up half alive trying not to throw up in a taxi on the way to a job. My coffee tasted like the best latte i’ve had in years, I was happy and cheerful and totally enjoyed being at work. I didn’t think about alcohol all day until our shoot was over and I heard the producer uncork a bottle of rosé to celebrate to a great shoot. I literally dodged to the bathroom and hid from the bottle of wine. I needed to think of an excuse to say no. I’m not drinking today? I’m not drinking this weekend? I can’t I’m allergic? Oh I can’t, I can’t drink anymore because I’m an alcoholic and drinking is ruining my life? why am worried if I say no that everyone is going to question why. I walked back into the studio, the client asked me if I had gotten a glass and I just responded “oh thank you but i’m good!” no questions asked. I quickly packed up my things and got out of there before I could change my mind.

A friend came over after work, I wanted to go out and be social but couldn’t drink. Is that something other people actually do? I was afraid to tell my friend that out of fear she wouldn’t want to hang out if I wasnt drinking. Again I have to remind myself not everyone thinks like an alcoholic. In the past if someone had asked me to do something and said they didn’t want to drink that night I wouldn’t want to hang out. In the past if someone wasn’t drinking it bothered me because I knew I could never do that. Maybe that’s why I have this fear of telling people I’m not drinking in social situations because I think its going to make them uncomfortable and make me seem like a buzz kill. We went out, as soon as I had my first club soda in my hand I felt so relieved having made it through the hardest challenge of the night. I didn’t have a big “SOBER” arrow above my head, I blended in with everyone else thanks to the lime in my club soda. I had a lot of fun and I actually had more guys than usual come up and talk to me but I definitely noticed how quiet I was when I didn’t have my liquid confidence. As a watched a few cute girls turn into loud hotmesses I felt like I was watching myself. No wonder I don’t really meet cute guys out at bars, I’m usually such mess and can only really see within the 1 foot radius around me. It felt like a new and fun experience being out sober, knowing I’d remember everything that happened. I laughed really hard with my friends and remembered how I got home knowing I locked my door behind me when I got back to my apartment. I was beyond hydrated having downed 6 club sodas and it felt really good to actually wash all my makeup off and crawl into bed with pajamas on stead of passing out wherever I landed when I walked in the door. I slept in this morning and woke up in a great mood. I headed to the coffee shop downstairs and enjoyed scrolling through some sobriety blogs with my iced coffee. I’m feeling really optimistic about the future of this sobriety journey. If anyone out there is reading this and wants to share some of their favorite blogs/books/podcasts I’d love any recommendations. Hope you all are enjoying your sunday too!

Almost there!

A week ago I decided this was it. How many of you decided enough was enough while you were having your last drink? or was it during the guilty hangover the next day?  Before last friday I had made it as long as I ever had at my many attempts to stop drinking. One week and then I gave in. I was beat and wanted to stay home since I had to work early the next morning. After a long day at work with many requests to meet some friends for a happy hour I cabbed it over to the west village. As soon as I got there I immediately noticed the different drink in everyone’s hand before what they were wearing or who they were even talking to. Again, i feel like trying to ignore alcohol or that it exists makes a spotlight shine on it. It happened before I even realized it. The server saw me standing there, probably drooling over the drinks around me and asked me if I wanted a drink. There was a glass of rosé in my hand in 2 minutes and it was being refilled 10 minutes later. I had at least 4 glasses in the two hours I was there (thanks to my receipt) not counting the glasses I had that my friends left behind and told me to finish. That’s always been my problem, I will never be the drinker that can limit to one drink. I’ve attempted that a million times, along with just drinking beer to slow down the process of how drunk I get. I’ve also tried the only drinking socially which just lead me to asking friends to get drinks after work or having a friend over for wine. Also tried only drinking on the weekends. I’m great at finding loop holes. Since I sometimes have to work on the weekends, if I don’t have to work on Tuesday, monday is like my weekend night right?

Anyways last friday night started out wanting to stay in and go to bed early but then it turned into me texting all of my drinking buddies to see what they were doing after the happy hour crew all headed back home. One of them were bound to text me back, it was still early at 9:30pm. Instead of heading upstairs to my apt where my cab pulled up I decided to go into the bar downstairs and get a drink while I wait for anyone to text me back and meet me there. Two drink minimum I guess that means I’ll have to get two drinks. Then it hit me, I was drinking alone at a bar knowing no one was on their way. I sat there for a while sipping on my cider. If I questioned being an alcoholic here is my proof. Remembering I had to work early I downed my drink and asked to close my tab while ordering my second drink. I surprisingly didn’t touch the second drink, maybe another alcoholic there will spot that the girl who just walked out of the bar left her full cider sitting there. I walked upstairs laid down on my bed with the hiccups, began to cry and told myself I’d start again tomorrow. That wasn’t my rock bottom. I’ve had so many more terrifying, embarrassing, really scary bad drinking nights/days that would have made a normal person never touch alcohol again. Last friday was my wake up call. I’ve almost made it to a week again but I’ve also been here before. I’m looking forward to making it through the weekend and making it to a new milestone.

Hump Day

Hello day 5, you were not easy but you were more enjoyable than yesterday. Day 5 no alcohol aren’t I supposed to feel amazing? Why do I feel so exhausted and irritable?

I’ve got great support from my family about my decision stop drinking. My mom’s been trying to convince me to give AA a chance. She and my grandpa both had final success with becoming sober through AA but I haven’t felt the desire to go. I have thought about it after reading Dry as I feel like I might find some other young professionals so I don’t feel so alone in this. I was thinking there’s got to be a group of cool fun sober women my age who go do fun sober things right? I imagine it like a power group of women, made up of successful women that would normally not run in the same group. We could still have fun with out alcohol, maybe indoor rock climbing with our radiant faces that are no longer bloated, exchanging stories of our embarrassing rock bottoms while hanging on rocks. Maybe I’ll meet some new friends that have other hobbies besides drinking. It seems like this whole not drinking thing is magnifying how much my social life revolves around drinking. You know when you break up with a boyfriend and it seems to feel like everywhere you look are couples? You finally chop your hair and everywhere you look girls have long flowing locks you won’t have again for years. It feels like I can’t walk down the street here without seeing people enjoying mimosas at brunch, or wine outside at a happy hour, even the sidewalk signs at all the restaurants I pass seem to be teasing me with advertisements of cold crisp new beers on tap or ROSÉ ALL DAY. There’s a specific chalkboard sign at the restaurant kidding corner from my apt that seems to be particularly insensitive and loud lately.

BRUNCH WITHOUT ALCOHOL IS JUST A SAD LATE BREAKFAST

fuck you chalkboard

All my good friends here in nyc are big drinkers. Are they my good friends because they are drinkers? Am I going to lose them as good friends because I’m no longer drinking? I immediately knew my two biggest hurdles in this new non alcoholic lifestyle would be my two best friends here. They are both enablers and I know I enable them as well. They are like family to me but they are both my drinking buddies. I can’t remember the last time I hung out (outside of work one is a coworker) without their being alcohol involved. I texted both of them when I made the decision to stop drinking, knowing they have been there with me for most of the bad, embarrassing, harmful decisions I’ve made while drinking over the years. They out of anyone know how bad it really is but they are also alcoholics. I was really disappointed by both of their reactions but I noticed one thing in common with both conversations. Both of their reactions were that they could never do it and that maybe I just need to have better control over it. Both of them got very defensive over their own drinking even though I had said nothing about their drinking. I wasnt asking them to stop drinking me i just wanted to give them a heads up, aka don’t be an asshole and offer me a drink because you know I can’t say no. I warned both of them I was afraid I might have to be a hermit for a while and without offending “Nicole” I told her I was afraid to hang out with her because in the past when I’ve tried to take a break from drinking I failed when spending time with her.

While working yesterday I caught myself many times after lunch day dreaming about what kind of drink I’d want after work. What is it that I’m craving so bad? Is it the habit of relaxing with a drink after work? Is it part of the routine I love, like knocking off my shoes and putting the news on to relax after talking to people all day? Maybe it was my body physically craving the sugar in the alcohol or the sweet treat of a cold glass of rosé after work. I felt exhausted leaving work so I treated myself to a 1/2 sugar-free red bull. As I was walking in my building “Chris” the friend I’m most worried about spending time with texted me he was across the street waiting for a friend to have some drinks and wanted to know if I wanted to get a drink. I wanted to yell at him. Clearly he thought that conversation was just a bad hangover day. Chris doesn’t want to see me stop drinking because it makes him feel self-conscious about his own drinking. I told him I wasnt drinking via emojis but what I really wanted to say was “Would love to see you but I’m literally afraid to walk across the street because even though I just told you I’m not drinking I have a feeling I’ll end up with a drink” but I refrained. I had to drop off laundry anyways and popped down to say hi. After venting about work he suggested I “have a drink” even after I said no thanks to the waitress who had asked. I just had to tell myself he doesn’t think I actually need a drink, I don’t need a drink, he wants me to have a drink so he feels less awkward for ordering a second glass. When his dinner date arrived I chatted with them a bit more, he suggested I join them and again suggested i “just have a drink” with them. I was mad enough I needed to leave but didn’t say anything. I have to remember not everyone is going to be as supportive or positive about this change as you would hope they would be. I’m making this decision for me and no one else.

This post is already getting long but long story short I opted for a movie with Nicole and another friend after leaving the restaurant and walking back up to my apt. Nicole and another friend were trying to decide if they wanted to get something to eat or not, “Do you know what sounds really good? some beer” and we made a pit stop for beers to sneak into the movie. At that moment I decided to give in, a beer sounded so good. Why do I need beer to see a movie? If I was alone or staying in to watch this movie by myself I wouldn’t me standing here in front of this glowing refrigerator full of alcohol with my hand on a 6 pack of shock top . I snapped out of it and walked away over to the Snapple and sparkling water. One of each. While I was really proud of myself I wanted to cry. Why arent my friends being more supportive? It’s like they are just waiting for me to give in and don’t mind helping me push that “fuck it” button. I felt such relief walking out of the sliding doors of the liquor store. I felt proud of myself later as I heard them crack open their beers in the theater. I can’t be around places where I have the opportunity to buy alcohol right now. We saw a hilarious movie called Fort Tilden and I was really proud of myself going to bed last night feeling like I accomplished a night full of tests.

Triggers

I had a job yesterday in Brooklyn. Having a job that requires you to be “on”, social, constantly moving, traveling and dealing with new people everyday is why most people in my industry are drinkers. I love what I do but working in fashion can be a stressful and draining job. I started day dreaming about what drink I would normally want as soon as I was done with work by about 2pm. What sounded better, stopping for a “you deserve this” drink at a cute bar in the neighborhood I was working in or getting a bottle of wine on the way home to have with dinner? Neither, but that’s where my mind automatically went. I was looking forward to relaxing and finally having a night where I didn’t have to set my alarm the next day. That’s all it was, figuring out a new way to relax and treat myself after a long day running around. As much as I felt like I wanted to go out on a saturday night in NYC, I know what my triggers are. I can’t jump right into sober happy hours and sober saturday nights out with all my drinking buddies in the city. I’ll get there but I know those have caused me to fail right away in the past.

I stayed in, drank 3 glasses of non caffeinated ice tea and got such good sleep. I woke up with  the satisfaction of being fully rested, cozy in my bed enjoying the warmth of the sunlight on my pillow. Normally i’d wakeup with a splitting headache, patting the covers of my bed for my phone. What time did I get home? How did I get home? Do the routine check, did I make it home with my wallet? Do I have my ID? My credit card? Did I enjoy spending my rare days off waking up stressed, feeling sick and depressed from all the alcohol I consumed the night before? Why have I been doing this over and over again to myself then? Sober weekend mornings are such a treat.

I never regret waking up sober, well rested and happy because I decided to stay in. This morning I walked to my favorite coffee shop in my neighborhood and then picked up a copy of aliza licht’s Leave Your Mark i’ve been wanting to check out for a while. Do you know what is more enjoyable then a wasted night out throwing away money on cab rides and drinks for a blurry night you can’t really remember? Sitting under a tree on a beautiful morning in union square park with an iced coffee and a good book. I picked up a few things on the way home and am planning on going to yoga tonight. I’ve got to remember my brain is still going to have its initial constant alcohol thoughts out of habit (my eye went directly to the bottle of wine the couple was sharing at the park near me like an I SPY book of all the things people were doing in the park) but benefits of staying sober are greater than the instant gratification of a drink.

Hello world!

Today is day 2, I’ve been here before many times. This is probably at least my 20th “day two”.  I’m starting this blog in hopes to share my experiences and hopefully connect with others like me. I started this journey 2 weeks ago, made it the longest I ever have but unfortunately had a hiccup, literal hiccups after a bottle &1/2 of rosé. Instead of beating myself but i’m reminding myself this is a process and with many other things in life, if at first you don’t succeed, try a different approach. SO hello! Welcome to my sobriety blog.

Why stop drinking?

Its hurting me more than its helping. For years i’ve been telling myself I drink because my job is stressful, I drink to unwind, to relax, to have fun, I drink because I deserve to have a drink (or 4). Alcohol is just making things worse for me, life feels a bit out of control right now. If the drink is curing a long work day, it was probably long and exhausting because I was hungover. Drinking has turned into my #1 hobby.

I know i’ve had a problem for a while now, my close friends and family know i’ve had a problem. i’m done denying it, feeling guilty and i’m ready to finally do something about it.

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